Still the same...

Oh yes, still no news on Sydney. She is still waiting for us. We are still waiting for her. Christmas came and went without her. It was not easy. I was so confident in my agency's statement that 12 weeks was the maximum wait for LOA. But today is 18 weeks. Today is day 126. The best and the worst part of life is how it just keeps going on regardless of circumstances. My arms ache to hold her. We were blessed with updated photos of her last week. However, she has lost most of her hair and she is much slimmer. The signs of malnutrition are apparent. Holt has agreed to "inquire on our LOA status". They've also sent some questions to the orphanage to try to get some answers to her condition. Although these pics were a blessing, they also were a very somber wake up call. My child is suffering. She is hungry and needy while we wait for a piece of paper. I really want to get angry and depressed over this. But I will not. I will not fall apart. I will not distrust God. I know he knows me. I know he loves me. I know he has a plan for Sydney and my family. I know that he is in control. I know that he is alive and working in this very moment. I will wait on the Lord and renew my strength daily. I have been taken to the Savior's feet many times during this wait. I am ashamed to say that I have not been the best example on how to do this. But my Jesus will not give up on me. He will gently teach me the same lesson over and over again until I get it. My flesh wants to tell me that he has forgot about me and my baby. Satan wants me to wallow in the "unfairness" of it all. But my soul will rejoice in the sorrow. I will come for you, baby, when my Jesus aranges it all. But don't you worry. He will also take care of you and protect you until the time we meet. He will never leave us or forsake us. His timing is perfect. He loves you more than I ever will. He knows all about you and what you need and he will be there for you. When the time is perfect, he will allow us to look into each others eyes and become a family. I love you, Sydney. I will be there soon......