This week has not been emotionally easy. I am longing for Sydney so intensly. I am amazed at the love that I have for this child that I have never met. I know that this is only from God. He is the only one who could write this love story. Beginning Sunday, I started this downward spiral into depression and frustration and impatience and anger. I was tired of waiting. I wanted to get my LOA now. I mean NOW. I am ashamed to say that I felt this way, but I did. Deb and I discussed how it just should not be this hard. This is a good thing, building a family. Why does it have to take so long? I was very bold in my begging God to deliver my LOA. I spent way too much time on Rumer Queen's forum. I checked my e-mail about every 15 minutes. Nothing. Then yesterday, I had a Dr's appt in St. Louis. I spent the entire day alone. But, boy, was I not alone. God met me yesterday and picked me up off the floor. He tenderly nursed me back to contentment. I drove & worshipped. I sat in the waiting room & worshipped. I shopped & worshipped. I ate lunch & worshipped. It was a sweet day with my God. It was a day of sweet surrender. Do I still long for Sydney? Oh yes. But not in a demanding way. I feel peace and contentment along with the longing. I truly would not want to run ahead of my sweet heavenly Father. Thank you, Father, for picking me up, dusting me off, and setting me back on your path. I will praise you forever!
