Friday, October 26, 2007

Tough Week

This week has not been emotionally easy. I am longing for Sydney so intensly. I am amazed at the love that I have for this child that I have never met. I know that this is only from God. He is the only one who could write this love story. Beginning Sunday, I started this downward spiral into depression and frustration and impatience and anger. I was tired of waiting. I wanted to get my LOA now. I mean NOW. I am ashamed to say that I felt this way, but I did. Deb and I discussed how it just should not be this hard. This is a good thing, building a family. Why does it have to take so long? I was very bold in my begging God to deliver my LOA. I spent way too much time on Rumer Queen's forum. I checked my e-mail about every 15 minutes. Nothing. Then yesterday, I had a Dr's appt in St. Louis. I spent the entire day alone. But, boy, was I not alone. God met me yesterday and picked me up off the floor. He tenderly nursed me back to contentment. I drove & worshipped. I sat in the waiting room & worshipped. I shopped & worshipped. I ate lunch & worshipped. It was a sweet day with my God. It was a day of sweet surrender. Do I still long for Sydney? Oh yes. But not in a demanding way. I feel peace and contentment along with the longing. I truly would not want to run ahead of my sweet heavenly Father. Thank you, Father, for picking me up, dusting me off, and setting me back on your path. I will praise you forever!


Carey said...

Oh, it's just so hard! When the day finally comes, you'll look at your sweet child and think...I would have waited for you forever. Hang in there. So glad you're leaning on God. He's got a plan! It just would be nice some days to know it, wouldn't it? :]

Steffie B. said...

Hang in there my friend....keep praying for her.....she knows your coming! ;)

Rebecca said...


That is just what I needed today. I too have been trying to run ahead of God and begging Him to hurry the process. We are also waiting for LOA. God bless you in your journey.