Waiting

When God began working on my heart about adopting from China, I thought it was so hard to wait, I wanted her now. When we first applied to the agency, I was ready to get on a plane immediately! When we were wading through the paperwork, I thought it was so hard, just waiting for her. I was so wrong. Now I've seen her sweet face. Now I've seen other parents videos of inside her orphanage. Now I've fallen so in love with her. Now it is hard. I spend most of my time thinking and praying for her or for speedy paperwork. I know myself and I know that I can be somewhat obsessive. I can see how in the last few weeks, I have slipped downward toward the blues! I do not want to cook or clean. I do not want to go to our normal activities. I do not want to do laundry (not that I ever did). I crave for information. I hunger for any updates. I spend hours on the computer seeking any sliver of info. I do not like to randomness of recieving LOAs. But all of this is my flesh. My spirit knows that God is in control. I know that I only want this in His time. I would not want to embark on this journey if my God had not gone before me. If this was not the plan that God had laid for me, I would back out now. I want to wait in a way that not only glorifies God, but that also is a witness to His awesome plan for all His children. I will not walk around depressed. I will not bring dishonor to the name of my Father. I will wait with the grace that He has blessed me with time and again. And I will rest in the peace that I will recieve my LOA when He is ready for me to receive it. I will love my Savior more than myself.